Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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