Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
handjob tips. give me some.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
