Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
