Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
