You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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