What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
