No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
