Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
