party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
