yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
