There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
