wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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