i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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