i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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