I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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