you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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