"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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