I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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