If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
