is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
