I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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