What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
