Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
