He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
