Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
