the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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