He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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