I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Couch. On fire.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
