I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
