I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
