just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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