I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
operation have a gay friend backfired
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
