youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
