I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
