I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone says I win the strip club
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
