i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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