i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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