All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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