Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize