my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He has the fingertips of a God
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