you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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