just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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