Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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