Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
