Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
