Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
