We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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