some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
