Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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