My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
