The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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