tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
