I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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