I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
