I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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