im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
