Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Never underestimate the power of titties
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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