girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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