I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
