Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
