'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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