and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize