I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
