I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
