I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
