So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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