Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
