I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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