You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
