it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize