dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
