They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
