I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
