So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
