This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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