3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
