i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
