i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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