I think I just saw someone hide a body.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
